Big Decisions

Today’s gripe is about big decisions, or rather, not so big decisions.

First, some terminology. Cup Carrier. It’s the cardboard tray that your drinks sit it when you have more than one. Here’s the scenario that led to the customer’s tough choices: Oh yes, not just one, but TWO!

“Hi, can I take your order?”

“Do you still have the Cheeseburger combo with bacon?” Brilliant start. This should be good.

It’s funny you should ask sir, actually we took it off the menu because we have determined that people no longer like bacon and cheese on a hamburger. Who would want that? Futhermore, do you think we have stopped carrying bacon? Couldn’t you just order a cheeseburger and pay extra to add bacon? What kind of a dumbass question is that? “We sure do!”

“Alright, I’ll get two combos, both with cola.”

When a customer orders multiple drinks, they go in a cup carrier. Even if you have cup holders or enough occupants in the vehicle to hold their own drinks, they go in a tray because it’s faster to hand out one tray rather than several drinks, and this might be getting a tad redundant, but THE DRIVE THRU IS SUPPOSED TO BE FAST.  When there are only two drinks and we’re not super busy, I’ll often ask the customer if they want a tray.

My reason? Not to save the company money on trays, but because often times the customer wastes 30 seconds taking the cups out of the tray and handing it back to me. ‘Oh, I don’t need the tray!’ Saving the planet while eating fast food? NOT ON MY WATCH. I throw that shit right in garbage when it comes back in the window. Not because some possibly-disease-ridden stranger handled it, but because they wasted my time.

So the guy pays for his order and I ask “Would you like a tray for the drinks?”

He’s sitting in a three quater tonne extended cab truck. I can see the huge console in the center. It’s four empty cup holders are staring back at me eagerly awaiting the task of holding some tasty refreshments. Their black plastic finish glistening in the afternoon sun. He looks to his right – At the console. HE HOLDS THIS STARE FOR  A GOOD 5 SECONDS. He looks back at me. “No I think it’s fine.”

YOU THINK IT’S FINE? I should fucking hope so. Why did you have to look? Are you unaware of the cup holder situation in your vehicle? My car has two cup holders. I know this. I don’t need to look. I’m not even near my car, yet I’m fully aware of the cup holder situation. I don’t need to think about whether or not I need a cup carrier.

I hand him the drinks, one at a time of course. “Do you need some ketchup in the bag?” Something I also ask during a slow period to prevent the dreaded ‘is there ketchup in my bag?’.

“Ummmmmm…..” He looks back at the console again. WHY? Is there some magical french fry fairy in there that’s going to determine whether or not you like ketchup at this exact moment in time? It’s a simple question, DO YOU FUCKING ENJOY KETCHUP SIR? “Uhhhhh… no, no ketchup.”

“Alright, here you are then, have a nice day.” I say as I hand him the bag. He drives away, hopefully not into anything or anyone, which seems plausible.

I can’t believe that someone doesn’t know the answer to either of those questions without thinking about it. These are not life altering decisions, they are basic questions. Do you have cup holders? Do you like ketchup?

Hoping for smarter people tomorrow. Been hoping for roughly nine years now. No luck yet.


15 responses to this post.

  1. I pray to God that you’ll NEVER have to ask a Dumbass Drive Thru Dink if they need napkins! The horror of it all!


    • I’ve been working before while we ran out of napkins, just for a few minutes while a manager went to pick up some more. It’s like the end of the world for customers! Also, there are customers who ask “are there napkins in the bag?” Well, no, that’s why God invented pants! OF COURSE THERE ARE NAPKINS IN THE BAG. “Can I have extra?” Are planning on having a food fight in your car?


  2. Are there any statistics of how many people drive through the drive through stoned out of their minds?


  3. I’m now anticipating your posts. Sof far so good; I am not yet paranoid going through the drivethru ( isn’t that redundant? ). I still havn’t got the nerve to ask for a diet coffee, but I have started asking for senior coffee just because I can.


  4. LOL, I know what it is, but we don’t offer free coffee to seniors so I always pretend I have no idea what they’re talking about when they ask. This isn’t a coffee-soup-kitchen.


  5. Posted by Patrick on April 27, 2012 at 5:03 am

    Visited your blog for first time…hilarious, and you’ve got a great theme and angle going here. While I know a lot of people who sleep through their jobs and drive through workers who don’t seem to be all there when I go through…it’s good to hear about how you capture these experiences into interesting stories. And now…next time I go through…I’ll have to wonder…..despite what words and expressions come out of the worker’s mouth, I’ll wonder what is really going through his/her mind about me.

    Damn…and I’ll try to be smarter and quicker when going through.. Until you pointed this out…I never realized….I must do stupid things and ask stupid questions when ordering food….

    Keep up the good stories!


  6. Posted by Patrick on April 27, 2012 at 5:10 am

    I think that truck guy is holding his stare for that long because in that moment of silence he wants you to admire his cup holders, how many he has, and is insinuating ‘how dare you ask if I need a carrier when I got an excess in my luxury truck. Look at them…look at them…’


  7. This is too funny. But seriously the last five times or so that I have ordered two drinks and I am the only one in the car when I pull up to the window they never ever ask me if I want a drink holder. I’m driving an older car there are no drink holders built in. Apparently people didn’t drink and drive back then. They always have to go back and get one. Where do they hide these things?


    • LOL According to my dad they did, he can open a bottle with a seatbelt! Why they wouldn’t offer you a drink tray at the drive thru is beyond me! It’s SOOOO much faster!


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