I’m sorry about the idiots in front of you!

I feel really bad for the folks who were at the back of the line over the dinner rush tonight. There always seemed to be one poor bastard trying to get something quick and get home but unfortunately he was stuck behind a bunch of idiots most of the time. Some of the people holding things up were stupid, some were rude and some were placing such ridiculously huge orders that it was almost impossible to be fast.

It only takes one huge order to ruin it for everyone. If you’re at the front of the line and it takes 8 minutes to deal with you, EVERYONE behind you is waiting 8 minutes! Worst part is, it’s YOUR fault, and everyone else gets mad at ME. So here’s a quick rundown of the three greatest hits from tonight.

Number 1

The guy places a pretty normal order, two combos, nothing made special. Alright, maybe we have someone who knows how to use the drive through here. Nope. He pulls up to the window and when I’m handing him the order he says “Are the condiments in the bag?”

I give him a puzzled look.

“Forks, and knives, and salt, and pepper” He responds.

“There are napkins and straws in the bag, I can get you some salt and pepper.”

“No, no, that’s good” he says and drives off. WTF? Condiments?  Straws and napkins are NOT CONDIMENTS. Forks and Knives? UH NO! They don’t come with french fries, nor are they condiments. But then, he didn’t even really want forks and knives, I guess he was just making idiot small talk.

Number 2

This car had two guys in it. They were likely high. It took them over two minutes to place their orders. The food was literally ready to hand out AS they were pulling away from the speaker. And that was the problem.

After paying for the second order, just before advancing to the next window to get their food, stoner # 2 says “Oh, can I have that with only ketchup?” Uh, NO YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER! Do you think this just might have been some pertinent information to share with us MINUTES ago? Before everything was made? Before you paid for TWO orders? Before everyone behind you was waiting?

But of course “Sure, not a problem.” And everyone waits while we fix this for you. The drive thru is supposed to be fast.

Number 3

This guy was an asshole, and apparently dumb as shit to boot.

“Hi, can I take your order?”

“Yeah I’ll get 3 hamburgers with a bowl of soup and a cola.”

“Sorry, you want a hamburger with soup and a cola?” I try to clarify as I couldn’t hear him very well.

“Yeah, three of them.” Oh, so it’s not ‘yeah’ in that case, is it asshole? Is it three or one? Pay attention to my question or your order will get screwed up and when you come back to complain, I’ll lose my job for telling you we wouldn’t make as many mistakes if our customers weren’t so goddamned stupid.

“Oh, sorry about that. Did you want to upsize the cola?” A question I am SUPPOSED to ask. It’s part of my job, not some grand scheme I have made up to help the company make money.

Some people tend to get rude at this point. I’m not sure why, a simple ‘no’ would do. I can only assume it’s because they’re assholes. As stated previously, he was an asshole. Here’s the part about him being dumb: “Well is there a price difference?” No, shit for brains, we just think most people want less food for the same money. Upsize is a magical word that means you can have more food for the same price. It’s like when you buy a new car, if you get the all leather interior, it doesn’t cost anymore, right?


Here comes the rude voice! “I’ll just take the regular size then.”

So that’s it. Those were the standouts of the evening. The people with the HUGE orders were really getting to me too. It’s a good thing we don’t use pots for cooking. I’m reasonably sure there were a couple of points tonight where I may have filled one with hot grease and cartwheeled it out the window all over some dumb bastard.


13 responses to this post.

  1. My neighborhood fast food chain has a split drive thru which means that I am always trying to give my order quickly and beat the guy on the other side to the front of the line. I usually order for one or two at most and my biggest fear is being trapped behind some large SUV thing stuffed with kids and no way to back up.


  2. That is why there are so many UFOs seen where ever there is a drive up. Aliens disguised as hungry humans love to gum up the drive through. You can tell an alien because they always want a fork with there fries. They have that one long finger and are always poking themselves in the eye when trying to eat fries.
    It become a trying situation for them if ketchup gets on their eye.The other aliens think it is blood. Since they have green blood their friends think they are humans in disguise.
    They get arrested, without bail, Then have to get tested to prove they are really aliens.


  3. Prepare yourself, it’s bound to happen. Those kid packed SUV’s piloted by idiots are everywhere.


  4. Stupid, spineless people love to be rude when they know you can’t retaliate without losing your job. Douchenozzles.


  5. I think I’ve been in line behind every one of the people on this list. I hope there were some nice folks in your line, too.


  6. Hi,
    Oh yes I have been stuck behind some doozies, but I have to say I’m sure there wouldn’t be that many people that would blame the person working, we can see who to blame, and you just know some driver has stuffed up when you just don’t seem to be moving. 🙂


  7. Posted by Xenoia on May 5, 2012 at 10:47 am

    ““Yeah, three of them.” Oh, so it’s not ‘yeah’ in that case, is it asshole? Is it three or one?”

    I hate it when people do that. I’ve never worked in a drive thru but I have worked with the public a LOT. And they just don’t understand questions where the answer is not yes or no.

    Great post by the way. 😉


  8. Or how about those people in front of you in the 10 items or less lane at the grocery store who have ten items and 100 coupons!


  9. Your posts are both hilarious, and I’ll bet highly therapeutic in surviving a soul-sucking job. You are suffering for your art, and the work is better for it.


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