The Three Things Lady

I feel a rant coming on. I hope you find her as stupid as I did!

“Hi, how can I help you?”

No response.

A few seconds later, “Can I take your orer please?”

The testy reply came in a hartbeat this time, “Yeah, I need a minute.” Really? I never would have guessed! YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME. I don’t ask twice to be impolite, some people are slow to roll their windows down, aren’t quite at the speaker yet, they need to take an additional three minutes to finish their phone call before acknowledging my existance (which is fine, I don’t have a job to do or anything… but that’s another rant for another day), etc. There’s multiple reasons for them to miss the first thing I ask, apparently being a rude bitch is also on the list.

“Alright let me know when you’re ready.” I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Don’t pull up to the speaker if you’re not ready to order. Do you drive into the car wash with the windows rolled down?

I wait for a few seconds, and then I hear some mumbling from the car. I’m not sure if they were full blown words or not because I couldn’t make them out. I also didn’t detect a passenger or a cell phone. Usually I can tell if they’re talking to a passenger, and I can tell a cell phone based on the echo sound that comes through the car speakers. The complete one sided conversation which flows quicker than if they were talking to me is also a dead giveaway. Plus, it tends to make no sense from my side of things.

Based on the ‘my-mouth-is-full-of-some-kind-of-shit-sounds’ I was hearing, I wondered if it was time to get this show on the road, “Pardon me?”

“Uh yeah, I’m just trying to figure out what I want.” NO SHIT LADY! What’s the holdup? People in this line are starving, and it’s YOUR fault. Ok, so that last line may have been pushing it a bit, but pissed off people are always telling me ‘this isn’t rocket science’ and asking ‘how hard is it to take a fast food order?’ Not hard at all, HOW HARD IS IT TO PLACE ONE? C’mon lady, the drive thru is supposed to be fast.

“Oh, sorry, is there anything I can help you with?” I wasn’t trying to pressure her to hurry up before, but I was with that line, and it usually works like a charm.

It did! “I’ll have an order of chicken fingers and…” She trailed off, OH NO!

“Would you like dipping sauce?” I try to revive things quickly.

“What kinds do you have?” she asks. I walked into that one! I should have offered a popular choice rather than leaving this genius with a vague question. Actions like that make me seem like part of a story on the Dumbass News! (When you’re done here, check that out, you’ll be glad you did!)

I explain what we have, she eventually picks one, and I sense light at the end of the tunnel. “Was there anything else for today?”

“Yeah, I’ll have an order of fries.”

“Alright, and is that going to be everything?”

“Did I ask for 7-up?” Did I hear that right? Did you ask for 7-up? THIS FUCKING ORDER CONTAINS THREE ITEMS (assuming you want the pop and arent checking in case it’s an involuntary question you tend to ask) Do you have a bad case of some sort of weird and rare pop tourettes? AND YOU’RE ASKING ME IF YOU ORDERED A DRINK?

“No, did you want a drink today?”

“Oh, yes please.” Oh really, you did huh? Well, I can think of something that would have saved us both a FEW HUNDRED SECONDS. Usually in a fast food restuarant , a main item with a fry and a pop is something us ‘industry insiders’ call a GODDAMNED COMBO LADY. Furthermore, it shouldn’t take you four and a half fucking minutes to order one. Afterall, the drive thru is supposed to be fast! There, that feels better 😉




6 responses to this post.

  1. Bummer for both of you. And yes, I do drive up to the car wash with the window unrolled. I have to pay them, you know. There is always more than one side to the story, after all. (smile)

    I have come to the conclusion that most of the order boxes must come with built in defects. I often feel sorry for the folks taking my order – which happens to be in Nebraska accent (newscaster standard) English – because no matter how hard I try to enunciate the folks taking the order rarely hear half of it. And then there is the Spanish to English thing since so many folks working in fast food in our area can now barely speak Englihs and I, unfortunately, don’t speak enough Spanish to say more than, “No hablo español. Hablo ingles?” I’m convinced that the boxes must be staticy because in the middle of a word the person inside will cut me off and say, something along the lines of…”Is that all?” I sigh quietly and respond, “Please allow me to finish what I’m saying. It will go faster for both of us.” Then I have to patiently repeat the order about three times in order for them to give it back to me correctly. I long ago gave up being upset with them. I figure the folks inside are working in a hot, noisy, chaotic environment with people at the counter and people at the window. I make every attempt to be unfailingly polite since I’ve worked in wholesale and retail and I know life is difficult enough without some customer being rude.

    I only recently realized employees at fast food restaurants are being timed – which is very unfair as I realize that customers often do not know what they want when they arrive at the window. That even happens to me now and then when I pull up and realize the menu changed and I want to read the new menu choices. Evil, wicked woman that I am, I usually default to my standard order – depending upon the place. Of course, that has it’s uses since it has become a litany. I know my two coffee options I give at Dunkin, for instance, and if I get anything else I know it is either someone else’s or someone didn’t understand me despite my best efforts. I always blame the squawk box. No shame. No blame.

    I notice now that some fast food places now have two menus – one you can look at before you get to the one you order at. That actually makes sense when there are changing menu selections – since the parent company wants customers to buy more.

    When I have my daughter and/or grandkids with me I have learned to start pumping people several minutes before we get to a drive in or I might as well walk inside while they all hem and haw – which is only a dim version of what life was like with my ex, who was blind, and despite having memorized menus, required it all be read to him again – in detail – in case anything had changed.

    In general, I find that treating others kindly is the best thing. Life is too short to be rude. I’ve heard people say, “Why do you get such great service?” and I always respond, “I treat waitstaff and/or store clerks with gentleness.” Life is tough enough without folks being rude to each other.



  2. Thanks for another great laugh! HAHAHAHAHAHAH


  3. Ah, customer service! I worked at an historical village and, at one of the houses where I acted as an ‘Interpreter’, we had some lovely white chickens roaming around in the garden. My young daughter was lying on the grass with them one day, girl and chickens content to enjoy the sunshine, and a visitor came through. She asked, and I kid you not, “Are those chickens real?” I wanted to answer (but didn’t) :”No, lady. We wind them up with a key each morning…” What was she thinking??!


  4. Tell me about it – I always end up stuck behind these people whilst they take four hours to make up their mind. How hard can it be to order a goddamn hamburger?


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