Looks Can be Deceiving!

But not in this case!

I’m not talking about how delicious fast food pictures look in comparison to the real thing, either. I just searched google images for a picture resembling the scary bastard I dealt with today, (he kind of looked like a meaner version of HellBoy) but to no avail. Nothing I found came close to matching him.

Is anyone out there the leader of a biker gang?

A car pulls up to the speaker, the headset beeps to let me know. “Hi can I take your order?”

“I’ll get a number 3.”

“Did you want fries and cola with that?”

Now, I THINK he said he wanted a number 3, but based on a fear for my own safety and the possibility that he one day stumbles across this blog, I’m not saying that’s what he said. And apparently in his mind it wasnt. “NO, NO fries and pop.”

“Oh, so you just want the chicken sandwich? That’ll be $5.27” At the time I thought this guy was a dickhead.

“NO, I WANT A HAMBURGER WITH JUST KETCHUP.” While this is going down. I’m already considering blogging about it, HEY settle the fuck down, I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO USES CAPITAL LETTERS ON THIS BLOG! No need for yelling at me you prick.

“Oh, sorry about that, I’ll fix it and have the right order and total for you at the first window.” This happens once in a while, I completely screw something up, but usually I catch it before it’s a problem and get it fixed, most times without even being yelled at.

“For fucks sake” the guy says as he pulls away from the speaker.

I pause to consider what he said for a moment, and then I use the headset to talk to my manager. He was in the office, but was listening like a good manager, (as I’ve mentioned before, he’s a cool guy) “Did he just say ‘for fucks sake’?”

My manager, already on his way from the office to the first window to see this giant dickhead says “Yeah, I think so.”

Then my manager walks up to where I am and says “Uh, I’m gonna go ahead and let him say what he wants, you can tell him off if you like.” I look back at him with a WTF face!

Then HellBoy approaches my window. OH! I see now. He’s one scary looking motherfucker.

I give him his food. He doesn’t say a word, just takes the bag, opens it and proceeds to sit at the window for another 30 seconds or so while he makes sure his order is a hamburger with just ketchup, and Jesus tap dancing Christ, I gotta tell ya, I know I make occasional mistakes, but I’m happy I got that one right in the end.

Most times, I’m an asshole when it comes to describing the dumb bastards that I see on a daily basis but from now on, as far as I’m concerned, if you’re the (or look like the) leader of a biker gang, you can say what you want at my speaker 😉

Anyone else who deals with the public ever have a customer like this?



At lunch time I got this guy: “Can I get a plain hamburger? Absolutely plain, nothing on it. No onions, no lettuce, no pickles, plain, meat and bread. Nothing else. Plain.”

So, you mean you don’t want anything on the bread? just meat and bread? Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think I’m stupid? Deaf? Unable to comprehend? Hard of Hearing? Don’t understand simple terms? Have ear plugs in?

“Alright, so that’s  a plain hamburger?” I always like to clarify during a time like this while I wonder why the gentleman dickhead at the speaker specifically mentioned certain toppings he didn’t want, onion and lettuce? Saying things like that is a good way to confuse the people who are trying to take an order from your dumb ass. Also, although I didn’t today, it’s also fun to call it a cheeseburger in my clarifying question, that generally gets ’em going.

Later on in the afternoon, I got this guy: “Yeah, I’ll have a plain cheeseburger….. (slight pause) with only ketchup and lettuce.”

“Alright, so that’s a plain cheeseburger, with just ketchup and lettuce on it?” I don’t need to clarify, he obviously wants the toppings he’s asked for, but I can’t help it.


Well WHAT IN THE FUCK? That’s not exactly plain is it? Nope, NOT FUCKING PLAIN AT ALL. Based on the logic used by this gentleman dumb bastard I’m not even sure if he wants cheese on this cheeseburger. Maybe he thinks a plain cheeseburger is a hamburger.

Guy number two was stupid. That’s something I’ve come to understand and frequently forgive based on my daily contact with the general population, so that’s no problem.

Dwight was a condescending prick. Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Back the drive thru timer up a bit here, did I miss something? Who is Dwight you must be asking? Dwight was the first guy from lunch time who was wearing his hardware store work shirt with his visible name tag. My next step is to call the hardware store and make up some ridiculous complaint about Dwight. Any suggestions?

One Month

Alright, Alright, so it’s not really an anniversary. I know that should be saved up as a yearly event, but I just can’t wait that long! One month ago, almost to the minute, I started this blog. I was brand new to the world of blogging, and now I’m hooked. I love it. I love reading them, commenting, liking, looking, searching, laughing, and writing posts!

In one month I have:

Published 18 posts (19 if you count this one, and 20 is coming soon),

Had 2019 hits,

Gained 109 followers,

and been the recipient of the versatile blogger award!

And I got to bitch about dumb customers the whole time! I’m having a blast and I hope you are too! Thanks Everyone!

The Three Things Lady

I feel a rant coming on. I hope you find her as stupid as I did!

“Hi, how can I help you?”

No response.

A few seconds later, “Can I take your orer please?”

The testy reply came in a hartbeat this time, “Yeah, I need a minute.” Really? I never would have guessed! YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME. I don’t ask twice to be impolite, some people are slow to roll their windows down, aren’t quite at the speaker yet, they need to take an additional three minutes to finish their phone call before acknowledging my existance (which is fine, I don’t have a job to do or anything… but that’s another rant for another day), etc. There’s multiple reasons for them to miss the first thing I ask, apparently being a rude bitch is also on the list.

“Alright let me know when you’re ready.” I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Don’t pull up to the speaker if you’re not ready to order. Do you drive into the car wash with the windows rolled down?

I wait for a few seconds, and then I hear some mumbling from the car. I’m not sure if they were full blown words or not because I couldn’t make them out. I also didn’t detect a passenger or a cell phone. Usually I can tell if they’re talking to a passenger, and I can tell a cell phone based on the echo sound that comes through the car speakers. The complete one sided conversation which flows quicker than if they were talking to me is also a dead giveaway. Plus, it tends to make no sense from my side of things.

Based on the ‘my-mouth-is-full-of-some-kind-of-shit-sounds’ I was hearing, I wondered if it was time to get this show on the road, “Pardon me?”

“Uh yeah, I’m just trying to figure out what I want.” NO SHIT LADY! What’s the holdup? People in this line are starving, and it’s YOUR fault. Ok, so that last line may have been pushing it a bit, but pissed off people are always telling me ‘this isn’t rocket science’ and asking ‘how hard is it to take a fast food order?’ Not hard at all, HOW HARD IS IT TO PLACE ONE? C’mon lady, the drive thru is supposed to be fast.

“Oh, sorry, is there anything I can help you with?” I wasn’t trying to pressure her to hurry up before, but I was with that line, and it usually works like a charm.

It did! “I’ll have an order of chicken fingers and…” She trailed off, OH NO!

“Would you like dipping sauce?” I try to revive things quickly.

“What kinds do you have?” she asks. I walked into that one! I should have offered a popular choice rather than leaving this genius with a vague question. Actions like that make me seem like part of a story on the Dumbass News! (When you’re done here, check that out, you’ll be glad you did!)

I explain what we have, she eventually picks one, and I sense light at the end of the tunnel. “Was there anything else for today?”

“Yeah, I’ll have an order of fries.”

“Alright, and is that going to be everything?”

“Did I ask for 7-up?” Did I hear that right? Did you ask for 7-up? THIS FUCKING ORDER CONTAINS THREE ITEMS (assuming you want the pop and arent checking in case it’s an involuntary question you tend to ask) Do you have a bad case of some sort of weird and rare pop tourettes? AND YOU’RE ASKING ME IF YOU ORDERED A DRINK?

“No, did you want a drink today?”

“Oh, yes please.” Oh really, you did huh? Well, I can think of something that would have saved us both a FEW HUNDRED SECONDS. Usually in a fast food restuarant , a main item with a fry and a pop is something us ‘industry insiders’ call a GODDAMNED COMBO LADY. Furthermore, it shouldn’t take you four and a half fucking minutes to order one. Afterall, the drive thru is supposed to be fast! There, that feels better 😉



The results are in!

Just a quick thank you post before I leave for work this morning. I placed 5th in the Blogapalooza 2012 competition over at Waiter’s Today with my story “Dorothy”. The prize for fifth place is 50 bucks, so thanks to those of you who facebook liked my post and got me to fifth! 🙂 I have to get to work now, maybe I’ll have to deal with some idiots, and I’ll report back later.


Alright, so this is another plug for blogapalooza, a contest that I wrote a blog post for on waiters today called Dorothy. Winners are determined by most facebook likes and the contest is almost over. Winners will be announced on Monday.  If you haven’t already, Please click to follow the link and facebook like it at the bottom of the post! I’m really counting on you here! I’ll post the result after the winners are announced.



I’m sorry about the idiots in front of you!

I feel really bad for the folks who were at the back of the line over the dinner rush tonight. There always seemed to be one poor bastard trying to get something quick and get home but unfortunately he was stuck behind a bunch of idiots most of the time. Some of the people holding things up were stupid, some were rude and some were placing such ridiculously huge orders that it was almost impossible to be fast.

It only takes one huge order to ruin it for everyone. If you’re at the front of the line and it takes 8 minutes to deal with you, EVERYONE behind you is waiting 8 minutes! Worst part is, it’s YOUR fault, and everyone else gets mad at ME. So here’s a quick rundown of the three greatest hits from tonight.

Number 1

The guy places a pretty normal order, two combos, nothing made special. Alright, maybe we have someone who knows how to use the drive through here. Nope. He pulls up to the window and when I’m handing him the order he says “Are the condiments in the bag?”

I give him a puzzled look.

“Forks, and knives, and salt, and pepper” He responds.

“There are napkins and straws in the bag, I can get you some salt and pepper.”

“No, no, that’s good” he says and drives off. WTF? Condiments?  Straws and napkins are NOT CONDIMENTS. Forks and Knives? UH NO! They don’t come with french fries, nor are they condiments. But then, he didn’t even really want forks and knives, I guess he was just making idiot small talk.

Number 2

This car had two guys in it. They were likely high. It took them over two minutes to place their orders. The food was literally ready to hand out AS they were pulling away from the speaker. And that was the problem.

After paying for the second order, just before advancing to the next window to get their food, stoner # 2 says “Oh, can I have that with only ketchup?” Uh, NO YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER! Do you think this just might have been some pertinent information to share with us MINUTES ago? Before everything was made? Before you paid for TWO orders? Before everyone behind you was waiting?

But of course “Sure, not a problem.” And everyone waits while we fix this for you. The drive thru is supposed to be fast.

Number 3

This guy was an asshole, and apparently dumb as shit to boot.

“Hi, can I take your order?”

“Yeah I’ll get 3 hamburgers with a bowl of soup and a cola.”

“Sorry, you want a hamburger with soup and a cola?” I try to clarify as I couldn’t hear him very well.

“Yeah, three of them.” Oh, so it’s not ‘yeah’ in that case, is it asshole? Is it three or one? Pay attention to my question or your order will get screwed up and when you come back to complain, I’ll lose my job for telling you we wouldn’t make as many mistakes if our customers weren’t so goddamned stupid.

“Oh, sorry about that. Did you want to upsize the cola?” A question I am SUPPOSED to ask. It’s part of my job, not some grand scheme I have made up to help the company make money.

Some people tend to get rude at this point. I’m not sure why, a simple ‘no’ would do. I can only assume it’s because they’re assholes. As stated previously, he was an asshole. Here’s the part about him being dumb: “Well is there a price difference?” No, shit for brains, we just think most people want less food for the same money. Upsize is a magical word that means you can have more food for the same price. It’s like when you buy a new car, if you get the all leather interior, it doesn’t cost anymore, right?


Here comes the rude voice! “I’ll just take the regular size then.”

So that’s it. Those were the standouts of the evening. The people with the HUGE orders were really getting to me too. It’s a good thing we don’t use pots for cooking. I’m reasonably sure there were a couple of points tonight where I may have filled one with hot grease and cartwheeled it out the window all over some dumb bastard.