Posts Tagged ‘Life in the drive thru’

The Blue Car Lady

This is an open letter to the lady in the blue car that passed my window but it needs an introduction that contains a little background. Here it is: We have an employee on staff named Kenny. Kenny is Filipino. Kenny came here looking to make a better life for his family – which I assume is what my ancestors did at some point seeing as I’m not Native American Indian with my entire bloodline born and raised here. His English is fantastic, and he’s damn good in the drive thru. He should be, I trained him myself.

He often works in the drive thru when I’m not there, and sometimes with me when I am there. Today was one of the times when I was there working with him. We had a customer asking for a poutine with her combo, but she was also asking for the fry and drink to be upsized. Dumb bitch.

You cannot upsize a poutine.

Customer: I’ll get the number four combo with a poutine and cola.

Kenny: Alright, is there anything else?

Customer: Can you upsize the fry and drink?

Kenny: I thought you wanted a poutine?

Customer: Can you upsize the fry and drink?

Kenny: Do you want a fry AND a poutine?

Customer: NO I WANT YOU TO UPSIZE IT.

Kenny:  We cannot upsize a poutine ma’am.

Customer: UPSIZE THE DRINK.

Kenny: Ok, $8.50, first widow please.

The woman drives up, pays, and then advances to the second window. Kenny gives her the upsized cola. She asks him to talk to me. Please realize that she DID NOT ask for a manager, she asked for me, apparently because I’m Canadian.

I go over to the window, “Is there something I can help you with?”

She starts “Yeah, the last couple of times I came here, the employee, and it’s always that guy (pointing to Kenny) can’t understand me. We’re in Canada here; you guys need to get some Canadians in the drive thru that speak English.”

I was kind of shocked. I didn’t really know how to respond to (yes, I know I said once before that I don’t think cunt is ever an appropriate term to use, but) this racist cunt. I stammered a bit and said “Well ma’am, he works here full time and is always in the drive thru, he serves several hundred other people each day and everything seems to be fine. I’m an employee that works for this company, I don’t hire the other employees, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him, or his English. Would you like to speak to the manager?”

“No, just, whatever, I’ve said my piece, let your manager know and hire some English people, I think I’m speaking pretty clear English.”

“Ok,” I said and handed her the food. “Did you need anything else?”

“No.” She took the food and drove off.

Kenny asked me, “What did she say?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it,” I said.

“She hates me because I’m not Canadian, I heard her” he responded.

“Whatever, don’t worry about it, she was a fucking bitch” I replied.

This is an employee who wants nothing more than a better life for his family and he was just put down for no reason other than his different nationality by one of the stupidest bitches I have EVER dealt with. I assume she was born and raised here. That’s really too bad, she should have been an abortion.

I asked the guy who collected the money if she said anything to him and he told me that he has seen the same lady once before and she had the same attitude.

The more I thought about it after, the more it upset me. If I didn’t need this job, there are so many different things I could have said to her:

-“Oh do you hate everyone that isn’t white?” followed by a nice window slam.

-“If you don’t like it, then don’t fucking eat here.” followed by spitting on her.

-“FIRE IN THE HOLE” as I over hand threw the food bag into her car like a grenade.

-“Hold on a minute while I get the manager” then unzip my pants and piss into her car. “Here’s the manager and I think he wants me to kick you the fuck out.”

I told my boss about this by asking “Would I get in trouble if I told someone to fuck off?”

I’ve been there for a long time, and I’ve worked side by side with this guy for years so he obviously realized that I didn’t say that. “Probably not,” he responds “but so I can cover for you, what did you do?”

That made me smile, and I explained what had happened. He pulled Kenny into the conversation at this point, told him to forget about it because some people are fucking assholes and advised him that the next time she wanted to talk to someone to get him specifically and he would tell her to “Stick her nine dollars up her inappropriate-for-Canadian-society-ass.” I swear, I don’t get raises for making my boss look good in my blog, he’s just so awesome that his comments always come up. Seriously, he doesn’t even know I have a blog.

Unfortunately, I need to keep my job so I can’t speak freely to customers at work and my only forum for complaint is this blog. If I could get away with saying what I felt, I would. So here is the open letter:

Dear Racist Cunt,

Go fuck yourself and never come here again. I would never consider doing something bad to a customer’s food, but I wouldn’t feel bad about shitting in your pop glass. Do the World a favour, and go die.

Sincerely,

Drive Thru Guy

Looks Can be Deceiving!

But not in this case!

I’m not talking about how delicious fast food pictures look in comparison to the real thing, either. I just searched google images for a picture resembling the scary bastard I dealt with today, (he kind of looked like a meaner version of HellBoy) but to no avail. Nothing I found came close to matching him.

Is anyone out there the leader of a biker gang?

A car pulls up to the speaker, the headset beeps to let me know. “Hi can I take your order?”

“I’ll get a number 3.”

“Did you want fries and cola with that?”

Now, I THINK he said he wanted a number 3, but based on a fear for my own safety and the possibility that he one day stumbles across this blog, I’m not saying that’s what he said. And apparently in his mind it wasnt. “NO, NO fries and pop.”

“Oh, so you just want the chicken sandwich? That’ll be $5.27” At the time I thought this guy was a dickhead.

“NO, I WANT A HAMBURGER WITH JUST KETCHUP.” While this is going down. I’m already considering blogging about it, HEY settle the fuck down, I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO USES CAPITAL LETTERS ON THIS BLOG! No need for yelling at me you prick.

“Oh, sorry about that, I’ll fix it and have the right order and total for you at the first window.” This happens once in a while, I completely screw something up, but usually I catch it before it’s a problem and get it fixed, most times without even being yelled at.

“For fucks sake” the guy says as he pulls away from the speaker.

I pause to consider what he said for a moment, and then I use the headset to talk to my manager. He was in the office, but was listening like a good manager, (as I’ve mentioned before, he’s a cool guy) “Did he just say ‘for fucks sake’?”

My manager, already on his way from the office to the first window to see this giant dickhead says “Yeah, I think so.”

Then my manager walks up to where I am and says “Uh, I’m gonna go ahead and let him say what he wants, you can tell him off if you like.” I look back at him with a WTF face!

Then HellBoy approaches my window. OH! I see now. He’s one scary looking motherfucker.

I give him his food. He doesn’t say a word, just takes the bag, opens it and proceeds to sit at the window for another 30 seconds or so while he makes sure his order is a hamburger with just ketchup, and Jesus tap dancing Christ, I gotta tell ya, I know I make occasional mistakes, but I’m happy I got that one right in the end.

Most times, I’m an asshole when it comes to describing the dumb bastards that I see on a daily basis but from now on, as far as I’m concerned, if you’re the (or look like the) leader of a biker gang, you can say what you want at my speaker 😉

Anyone else who deals with the public ever have a customer like this?

Dwight

At lunch time I got this guy: “Can I get a plain hamburger? Absolutely plain, nothing on it. No onions, no lettuce, no pickles, plain, meat and bread. Nothing else. Plain.”

So, you mean you don’t want anything on the bread? just meat and bread? Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think I’m stupid? Deaf? Unable to comprehend? Hard of Hearing? Don’t understand simple terms? Have ear plugs in?

“Alright, so that’s  a plain hamburger?” I always like to clarify during a time like this while I wonder why the gentleman dickhead at the speaker specifically mentioned certain toppings he didn’t want, onion and lettuce? Saying things like that is a good way to confuse the people who are trying to take an order from your dumb ass. Also, although I didn’t today, it’s also fun to call it a cheeseburger in my clarifying question, that generally gets ’em going.

Later on in the afternoon, I got this guy: “Yeah, I’ll have a plain cheeseburger….. (slight pause) with only ketchup and lettuce.”

“Alright, so that’s a plain cheeseburger, with just ketchup and lettuce on it?” I don’t need to clarify, he obviously wants the toppings he’s asked for, but I can’t help it.

“Yeah.”

Well WHAT IN THE FUCK? That’s not exactly plain is it? Nope, NOT FUCKING PLAIN AT ALL. Based on the logic used by this gentleman dumb bastard I’m not even sure if he wants cheese on this cheeseburger. Maybe he thinks a plain cheeseburger is a hamburger.

Guy number two was stupid. That’s something I’ve come to understand and frequently forgive based on my daily contact with the general population, so that’s no problem.

Dwight was a condescending prick. Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Back the drive thru timer up a bit here, did I miss something? Who is Dwight you must be asking? Dwight was the first guy from lunch time who was wearing his hardware store work shirt with his visible name tag. My next step is to call the hardware store and make up some ridiculous complaint about Dwight. Any suggestions?